Wednesday, September 16, 2015
National Suicide prevention week 2015
9/12/2015
So ironic for me that National Suicide prevention week is Sept 8-14th 2015. It was 7 years ago today 09/12/08 about 1:00 in the afternoon. When overwhelmed by the fact I just lost my business that I always wanted and was very good at, would lose my home, owed family and friends tons of investment money that they all trusted me with, bank loans for the business, etc.. I was doing well for a long time. I could blame the economy, it was at the time the worst ever. Bad planning for the future, whatever. Finding out that out of all this I was going to lose my wife of 20 years, my family, they meant the world to me. She had no idea I knew what she was planning, her and my now ex mother in law that supposedly loved me so much and a nosy creepy old man neighbor across the street, but I knew. What would my 4 beautiful children have to go through, all these thoughts. Life had never been easy for me, but, who's life really is? I earned everything I had ever had. I worked my ass off for my family. And did it with respect and honesty always! However, this was huge. I wasn't depressed trying to run away from it, I was looking for a solution. To me, it was all about money. To all the people I owed money to, it was all about money. Did they really care about me, or was it that I was making them all money, so let's invest in the business. I'll never know that answer, and at this point in my life, I really don't give a fuck, or if I ever see any of them ever again, including my now current Ex wife, mother of my children. To this day feels I did this to her, instead of for her. She's the only person who feels this way. Whatever......, with the exception of this one family that I love dearly, the wife was the one that put it into perspective for me that day around noon as I was cutting my grass. She had come over to confront me ,to see if it was true. Did I really loose everything? Unfortunately they had invested in me as well and she was very close with my wife at the time. However, they are Christians and have told me since then they have forgiven me but, I never get to see them because I'm still so embarrassed. I was about 3 million in debt. I inquired about suicide clauses in my life insurance that I had on myself for my family and the business, sure enough, I was past the clause exceptions, Hmmm... I had three policies totaling over 6 million dollars. Hmmm... I don't want to die, I don't think anyone ever does, unless they are in extreme terminal pain that the inevitable is death and more comforting for them. I believe failed attempts at suicide are a cry out for help. Thank God the one's that fail and hopefully get help. I've always said, when you die it doesn't hurt you, it only hurts the people around you. Would my kids miss me? Of course! Would it fuck them up in the head for life? Hell yes! However, I was leaving plenty of money for therapy. ( That's a sick joke..... gotta have some sense of humor) My wife was leaving me so she didn't give a fuck, right? I said you know what, it's all about money, I was raised to take care of my family, I don't want to die , but here goes. I didn't want to blow my brains out and be a horrible mess for anyone to see, especially if one of the kids found me. I'll just die in my sleep. I even at one point a few weeks before mentioned it to my wife what I was thinking, at the time I don't think she cared or even heard what I said. She was in shock over everything cause I never involved her in anything in the business, just made her life as comfortable as I could and raising our 4 kids. Believe me she never complained about her life style Nice cars , home, country club etc.... So checking out it was. I left her a list of all the debt, wrote everything out in detail, who and what to pay. What to do with the future funds, etc.... Took a lethal dose of pills, went to sleep........ I thank God daily that my mother found me in time. A few more minutes, done! You can imagine the rest of the story. So as for the business, which I never expected, make a long sad fucked up story short, I go to jail for stealing from myself..Hmmmm. This story is even longer and no one except a few local lawyers and one or two good correctional officers know the truth and the bullshit they put me through, painting me a mobster, criminal, a fraud,etc... no one that doesn't know would never believe what I went through, blah, blah... I don't even want to relive that crap. Needless to say, I did lose everything, everything material that is , and I was right, a 20 year marriage... You want to know what? My life has turned out okay. I'm alive to tell this story right now. I'm 49 years old, in the best shape of my life and I get out of bed every morning. Every breathing moment is a blessing. Has it been tough with my children dealing with everything that happened? You have no fucking idea! But they will be fine one day. Was it tough going through all that alone? sure was, but again I get to wake up every morning and LIVE! I have been blessed with a new wife. The most incredible woman I've ever know. I love her with all my heart, and love her more and more everyday,thank you God for bringing her into my life. My story of suicide is different than most, most are really depressed, or something or someone they loved hurt them in a bad way, however, I'm here to tell you. No matter what has happened in your life, nothing is worse than not living another day. You can and will get through whatever your going through in time. It's taken me 7 years to talk publicly about this, and you know what? I don't give a fuck what people think. I did what I had to do for my family. That's what I thought seven years ago, that's what I still think today. No therapist or counselor will ever change my mind. I'll never forget when they locked me up for attempting suicide, before they let you go back to the real world. A judge in your county or state has to deem you mentally capable. ( News flash I'll never be mentally capable, joking) Anyway, the judge, I'll never forget told me "I don't condone what you did mister, but I understand" "You love your family". I thought that money would just make everything okay, they would miss me but move on. We all went through a lot. We still go through it today. However, we go through it. we are together. I have seen them grow. I see my Mom weekly, I asked God to send me an angel because I didn't want to be alone any longer and a few months later in 2013, I meet a wonderful woman that adores me and I adore her. God brought her into my life and she has been the greatest blessing. I live a great life without chasing the dime, wanting to have the biggest house, the nicest car, you learn to appreciate life!!!! LIFE!.... LIVING!..... Nothing is bad enough to take it away. When it's your time, on Gods time table, it's your time. It's for him to chose when it is, not you! I think I went through all the crap I did after the attempt because I didn't trust God and tried to end my life. He said you think that's tough, try this!!! I made it through!! Thank you God for letting me live another day. Everyday! Till you Lord, say it's time. Please, if your thinking about ending your life, talk to someone. Anyone. A stranger on the street might just be an angel that's there for you. Live life to the fullest. SJR...9/12/2015
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
This was awesome for a customer to say.....
In 20 years of car buying experiences, this was by far the best overall experience. Our sales person, Sal Rigoroso, was the main factor in this. He was personable, very knowledgeable, and seemed genuinely interested in helping us get the car we wanted at the payments we needed. I had been interacting with him for 5 months via email and he always stayed in touch and followed up as he promised, and provided any information I asked for in a timely manner. We had an issue with the original car we selected and the payments due to our credit being lower than we had anticipated, and Sal was able to work through these issues, get us a car we love and get us approved in under an hour. So we thought perhaps we were not getting an explorer, and due to Sal's hard work, we left with a new explorer. He is truly one of the best overall salespeople I have ever encountered, not just in auto sales, but anywhere, and Ford and Summerville Ford are lucky to have him!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXF8dpsCA3U&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXF8dpsCA3U&feature=youtu.be
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
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